So, a few days went by without me even thinking about the assignment. I went to work, went to school, went to church, cleaned the house, spent time with my girlfriend, spent a lot of time watching football and playoff baseball, and even did a bit of homework and Bible study. It was an ordinary week. Then, when Monday evening came around, and I refreshed myself on what the upcoming assignments were, I revisited this assignment. Pulling the crinkled up little pamphlet out of my backpack from where it had sat all week, I looked over it with the same bad attitude I had before. But then, God convicted me of something.
What He brought to my attention was that I was viewing this little pamphlet all wrong. What I first approached as a just a cute little list of compliments that I didn’t feel the need for, now looked to me like a deeply thought out love-letter. Addressed to me, from the one I love, who put effort into it and even His own blood into it so that those “compliments” would actually be truths. Truths that were calling me to reevaluate the effort I was putting forth in the relationship. And I kind of ignored it. I treated it as if it were just stale flattery and as if there was nothing wrong with our relationship.
I scoured the areas of the Bible which I knew addressed this topic and landed on Revelation 2:4-5:
“You have forsaken the love you had at first. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.”
Praying over this verse, I remembered how I used to study God’s Word so obsessively. How often I used to spend time alone in prayer and in intimacy with Him. I used to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn just to find a quiet place where I could sit with Him. I used to take every opportunity to spend a day away with Him, or to have a staycation at home with Him. Back when I didn’t let work, or school, or other pressures and cares of the world, or even service to Him take place over intimacy with Him. That was my height to remember.
Remembering the height from which I had fallen in our relationship made me realize how much I had neglected intimacy with God, and how I had fallen into what Jesus warned about when he spoke of the cares of this life growing up to choke out the good seed.
Now God was calling me back to the way things used to be. Back to the “honeymoon period,” back to the “mushy stuff” described in the Song of Songs that is so intimate it’s almost uncomfortable to read. Instead of seeing those words as some emotional quick-fix, I now see them as a love letter. An invitation to spend time in the loving embrace of my ‘first love.’
There
must be time for Him, just to love Him and have Him love us, no other agendas,
no lists of prayer requests. These may come later, but we need to put loving
Him first, because only as we are filled with His love, do we have love to give
away. So many Christians cannot rest in His presence but must be constantly on
duty … Our highest calling
is to intimacy with the living God. (Carol Arnott)
I love the heart demonstrated in this blog. It is the heart of a man yearning for lost intimacy. Honestly I find it both convicting and encouraging and for that I thank you!
ReplyDeleteEvan, this is solid stuff. I love how you articulated the different stages of your heart as you stepped into this assignment. Your post is thoughtful and quite encouraging. Keep pressing in and thanks for the encouragement!
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